Highs and Lows

I've been out again as anyone who has read the last 3 posts will know. Back home now and will probably hit a horrible low after spending another 8 days out. I had a wonderful time out tempered with a transphobic incident and a not very good visit to another city that left me feeling very disappointed.
Manchester is like a kind of second home to me. In my opinion a city that is the best. It's not perfect, but I love the place.
I managed to go a bit crazy with my credit card. I think my luggage weighed twice what it was when I left home. Round Manchester it was really nice how quite a few people in different shops remembered me and seemed really pleased to see me back again and it wasn't that I really spend a lot in those particular places.
I did go to a nail bar and got my nails done which was a first and a nice experience.
The Manchester Concord support group has moved. I was glad to see that it hasn't moved out of The Village. The new place, upstairs in New York NewYork isn't as good as the Rem.
I met Kate and Mrs K in Velvet along with KD and her sister. Diana turned up a bit later. I was just so happy to be back and out with my friends.                                                                      
On Friday I went for a Chinese meal with Diana and Kate in Chinatown which was lovely..
On Saturday we went for a meal at Villagios to celebrate Bev's birthday. I had met Bev last year at the Angels Christmas meal. A really nice person who it was lovely to meet again. It was great to see , Mandy and Tina again who I hadn't seen in a long time. I also met Tanya and Sophie. There was some concern when Tanya choked on a piece of meat, but she was ok.
Sunday was Doggy Pride in Sackville Gardens or something like that. Diana and myself after some shopping met up with Kate and Kitty or Mrs K. I think Kitty sounds better than Mrs Kate. The name change came about after some discussion which included the tarot cards. I guess some people will think I am probably a bit silly. There was a suggestion I have a stall at the next Sparkle which I thought was funny. Instead of Mystic Meg, I could be Septic Peg.
On Monday I went to the cinema to see Inception which I enjoyed. On the way back I took a wrong turning and ended up confronted with 2 young blokes and what I presumed were their girlfriends. One bloke as I got nearer had a real twisted look on his face.
" You are F#@KING UGLY", he spat out. " Look at you f#@king poof" ,
As I passed his girlfriend tried to kick me. I dodged that and the insults continued. They went their way and I continued on to The Village.
I wonder about people like that. Why so much rage? What is it about themselves they can't deal with. Maybe I am ugly but does it warrant such a reaction and to call me a poof well I am comfortable with my sexuality. My sexuality I think only comes into play when I am attracted to a woman and that's me. Calling me gay is not an insult just a mistake. These days sex is a distant memory for me. Transphobia, homophobia what is it that causes people to react in such a way.
Tuesday I went off to Nottingham and to be honest I wasn't very impressed with the place. There is not  much point in saying any more as it would be unfair to judge a place on one visit.

Liverpool
On Wednesday I went back to Liverpool where I'd had a horrible experience last year.The link below explains what happened.
http://karenmyworld.blogspot.com/2009_04_08_archive.html#5702869184228955402

I was pleasantly surprised and had a good day out. I didn't do much shopping, but did buy a nice skirt in the store where I had a problem before. I texted Diana who had been with me that day last year. She was really happy for me and replied perhaps we had made a difference when we lodged complaints. It would be nice to think so.
I managed to get a picture with the self timer below

It's a nice feeling to be able to put up a picture of me out in a city I have always liked and what happened last year was a sad event I hope is never repeated. I had a really nice day and after Nottingham it gave my confidence a much needed boost.

It came time for me to get back to Manchester. I met up with Kate and after a meal and a chat about what I  had been out to since Sunday. We went for some dancing in Naps. My time out was coming to an end.

Some  real highs and a couple of horrible lows. Leaving is always difficult and I was so glad Kate could make it out. It was wonderful  seeing everyone and I can't thank them enough.

As for the idiots that I came across well I feel sad for them. When you have your health I think you should live to the best of your ability. Things can go wrong very quickly. It's not difficult to try to be a decent person.

I have my problems, but I try and won't stop while I still can.

Look after each other

Karen xxx 

I nearly forgot.

The advert below , I saw in Manchester Piccadilly Station

Far better than those moronic Little Britain adverts by a well known building society.

The Journey Continues

When I was out last time I put out a spread from the a tarot deck to see what questions it might throw up.
The spread below is called the Tree of  Life.

The layout is numbered as follows

8   5   11

7  4   10

 6   3   9 

2

  1 

1. Physical Self Awareness: The Ace of Wands which can relate to ambition, invention optimism energy trusting your instincts. It is viewed as quite a masculine symbol. It can represent personal identity and unity.

Although I am an individual I am a part of the whole. I am not an outsider which feels that way sometimes. Being TG I can explore, be myself and can be a part of the world out and about.

2.Your Awareness of the Natural World: Six of Wands is perceived as triumph but if taken to far when you have a victory it can be an obstacle if you begin to believe any victory means you are right and everyone else is wrong. How this relates to my awareness of the natural world I am not sure. I do wonder about this global warming and how it is being used to raise taxes and such like. It has become like a big stick. Perhaps I have run into an obstacle where this is concerned.

3. Your Awareness of Spiritual Realities: King of Wands which can represent a person who uses his talents to teach and create opportunities for others also an assertive and well balanced ruler in whatever respect . I guess when it comes to awareness I try to see the best in people. I know emotions can totally overwhelm the intellect. The spirit is really what defines us. That unexplainable essence that can wither or grow. I have seen people go through some horrendous  things and come out stronger. When I get out I hope I have left a good impression and that as a transgender person I am just living my life and would like to be treated decently like anyone else.

4.Your Awareness of Your Inner Spirit: Five of Swords, defeat, the possibility of winning without losing somewhere is not possible. For me some things in my life have nearly destroyed me. They were no ones fault. Life throws up some unexpected stuff and you have to deal with it. In saying that I think I  am stronger despite what has happened. I may have lost, but I have gained so much and hopefully a better person for those losses, but that is for others to judge. 

5, Your Awareness of the Divine: The Heirophant, knowledge and education, conforming, holding back respect. I don't know if there is a supreme being. I am agnostic. In the end we will all find out one way or another what is beyond.

6. Self  Knowledge: Strength, courage compassion , strength, responsibility, self awareness.

The Strength card represents feminine strength. In some decks it shows a woman holding open a lion's mouth. Getting in touch literally with my feminine aspect has really helped me. Losing my wife and MS have been the two main things I have had to deal with. Those two things really taught  me a lot. I have a lot to learn yet and will to the day my time is up. What will happen in the future? Who knows? The tarot can't tell me that.

7. Self Control: Ten of Cups, rewards, joy,peace, harmony, safe haven. I do feel good about myself. Actually I feel very lucky.  I think when it comes to self control I feel I have done ok so far and I have had some fantastic experiences as a result. The Village in Manchester I guess is my safe haven which I am so glad I went to.

8. Self Mastery: Five of Pentacles, Anxiety, generous, kind, consideration.

I have my worries, about different things, but hopefully I've learned to control them.

9. Compassion: The Devil, negative force, tester, materialism, living a lie,temptation. When it comes to compassion maybe I am found wanting. It is to easy to get wrapped up in myself and not see when others are suffering. I try not to do the woe is me bit which is really negative.

10. Empathy: The Chariot, diligence, willpower, honesty, perseverance. In some decks it has 2 horses pulling in different directions. As I said before I won't transition because of what it might entail for me. I have agonised, researched it, seen what others have gone through and there are others who would but won't for a variety of valid reasons. I think I do empathise, but it does feel like it's pulling me apart at times.

11. Love for All Creation: Judgement, liberation, judgement, inner calling, transformation. This card throws up the question 'What actions have I taken that affects the well being of others and myself.

I hate seeing pain and suffering. The human race could make this world far better than it is. I have met some wonderful amazing people in my time, I am happy to be alive and feel very lucky. 

So there it is. Nothing supernautral just a way to look at myself and drag up questions about myself and try to honestly answer them. Sorry about my feet and the mess I made of my toe nails.

Karen x

Thank You

I just wanted to say a very quick thank you to everyone who left comments on the last 3 posts. I will reply to them, but at the moment I am still out and having a wonderful time despite the rain. Also to my friends who have made my stay absolutely wonderful. If any of you read this,thank you.
I didn't let that silly person ruin was is a fantastic time for me. One thing I absolutely hate is anyone being horrible about my friends. I would not have got through a lot of things that have affected me without your support.
A Big Hug to you all.
Karen xxx