The Journey Continues

When I was out last time I put out a spread from the a tarot deck to see what questions it might throw up.
The spread below is called the Tree of  Life.

The layout is numbered as follows

8   5   11

7  4   10

 6   3   9 

2

  1 

1. Physical Self Awareness: The Ace of Wands which can relate to ambition, invention optimism energy trusting your instincts. It is viewed as quite a masculine symbol. It can represent personal identity and unity.

Although I am an individual I am a part of the whole. I am not an outsider which feels that way sometimes. Being TG I can explore, be myself and can be a part of the world out and about.

2.Your Awareness of the Natural World: Six of Wands is perceived as triumph but if taken to far when you have a victory it can be an obstacle if you begin to believe any victory means you are right and everyone else is wrong. How this relates to my awareness of the natural world I am not sure. I do wonder about this global warming and how it is being used to raise taxes and such like. It has become like a big stick. Perhaps I have run into an obstacle where this is concerned.

3. Your Awareness of Spiritual Realities: King of Wands which can represent a person who uses his talents to teach and create opportunities for others also an assertive and well balanced ruler in whatever respect . I guess when it comes to awareness I try to see the best in people. I know emotions can totally overwhelm the intellect. The spirit is really what defines us. That unexplainable essence that can wither or grow. I have seen people go through some horrendous  things and come out stronger. When I get out I hope I have left a good impression and that as a transgender person I am just living my life and would like to be treated decently like anyone else.

4.Your Awareness of Your Inner Spirit: Five of Swords, defeat, the possibility of winning without losing somewhere is not possible. For me some things in my life have nearly destroyed me. They were no ones fault. Life throws up some unexpected stuff and you have to deal with it. In saying that I think I  am stronger despite what has happened. I may have lost, but I have gained so much and hopefully a better person for those losses, but that is for others to judge. 

5, Your Awareness of the Divine: The Heirophant, knowledge and education, conforming, holding back respect. I don't know if there is a supreme being. I am agnostic. In the end we will all find out one way or another what is beyond.

6. Self  Knowledge: Strength, courage compassion , strength, responsibility, self awareness.

The Strength card represents feminine strength. In some decks it shows a woman holding open a lion's mouth. Getting in touch literally with my feminine aspect has really helped me. Losing my wife and MS have been the two main things I have had to deal with. Those two things really taught  me a lot. I have a lot to learn yet and will to the day my time is up. What will happen in the future? Who knows? The tarot can't tell me that.

7. Self Control: Ten of Cups, rewards, joy,peace, harmony, safe haven. I do feel good about myself. Actually I feel very lucky.  I think when it comes to self control I feel I have done ok so far and I have had some fantastic experiences as a result. The Village in Manchester I guess is my safe haven which I am so glad I went to.

8. Self Mastery: Five of Pentacles, Anxiety, generous, kind, consideration.

I have my worries, about different things, but hopefully I've learned to control them.

9. Compassion: The Devil, negative force, tester, materialism, living a lie,temptation. When it comes to compassion maybe I am found wanting. It is to easy to get wrapped up in myself and not see when others are suffering. I try not to do the woe is me bit which is really negative.

10. Empathy: The Chariot, diligence, willpower, honesty, perseverance. In some decks it has 2 horses pulling in different directions. As I said before I won't transition because of what it might entail for me. I have agonised, researched it, seen what others have gone through and there are others who would but won't for a variety of valid reasons. I think I do empathise, but it does feel like it's pulling me apart at times.

11. Love for All Creation: Judgement, liberation, judgement, inner calling, transformation. This card throws up the question 'What actions have I taken that affects the well being of others and myself.

I hate seeing pain and suffering. The human race could make this world far better than it is. I have met some wonderful amazing people in my time, I am happy to be alive and feel very lucky. 

So there it is. Nothing supernautral just a way to look at myself and drag up questions about myself and try to honestly answer them. Sorry about my feet and the mess I made of my toe nails.

Karen x

The Fool

Perhaps I am starting to lose it, but this has bugged me for years, but I decided to find out more about the Tarot.
I've always loved the pictures in some of the decks I have seen.
It seems they first appeared in Italy in the 15th century and were used as playing cards. When it comes to telling fortunes and such like I very much doubt they can be used for that.
Some people use them to find out more about themselves. Using their reactions to the pictures in combination with the different meanings to each card.
The Fool is the first card in the Major Arcana. He is setting out on a journey with his dog jumping at his leg. He has his belongings slung from a staff and looks like he is about to walk over a cliff.
It reminds me of when I decided to take a leap and go to Manchester just over 2 years ago and meet a Tgirl, Lisa,  and her friends.I had only had contact with her via a forum.
 I was going to go out presenting as female in broad daylight  meeting complete strangers. I guess I was like The Fool setting out on a journey that I needed to make for various reasons with very little idea what I was doing but hoping to learn.
The  cliff I went over wasn't very high, but felt like a giant leap at the time.
I met some wonderful people. One of who, Kate is a very good friend that  along with her wife I am looking forward to seeing again soon. After that journey I wasn't completely The Fool anymore.
I guess I will always be The Fool to an extent and that is not a bad thing. It just means there is always something new for me to learn and that includes about myself.
One other thing the dog at The Fool's leg is trying to hold him back, but at the same time urging him on. I guess it's like the inner voice arguing.
I suppose that's the beginning of a journey through the deck to look at myself which is just another tool that can be used for the purpose. It has made me look at my gender issues, female and male aspects. In the end I know the only person who can answer my questions is myself, but that takes learning as much as possible about myself.
Perhaps with this post I've leaped of another cliff. Now to see where I land.