The spread below is called the Tree of Life.
The layout is numbered as follows
8 5 11
7 4 10
6 3 9
2
1
1. Physical Self Awareness: The Ace of Wands which can relate to ambition, invention optimism energy trusting your instincts. It is viewed as quite a masculine symbol. It can represent personal identity and unity.
Although I am an individual I am a part of the whole. I am not an outsider which feels that way sometimes. Being TG I can explore, be myself and can be a part of the world out and about.
2.Your Awareness of the Natural World: Six of Wands is perceived as triumph but if taken to far when you have a victory it can be an obstacle if you begin to believe any victory means you are right and everyone else is wrong. How this relates to my awareness of the natural world I am not sure. I do wonder about this global warming and how it is being used to raise taxes and such like. It has become like a big stick. Perhaps I have run into an obstacle where this is concerned.
3. Your Awareness of Spiritual Realities: King of Wands which can represent a person who uses his talents to teach and create opportunities for others also an assertive and well balanced ruler in whatever respect . I guess when it comes to awareness I try to see the best in people. I know emotions can totally overwhelm the intellect. The spirit is really what defines us. That unexplainable essence that can wither or grow. I have seen people go through some horrendous things and come out stronger. When I get out I hope I have left a good impression and that as a transgender person I am just living my life and would like to be treated decently like anyone else.
4.Your Awareness of Your Inner Spirit: Five of Swords, defeat, the possibility of winning without losing somewhere is not possible. For me some things in my life have nearly destroyed me. They were no ones fault. Life throws up some unexpected stuff and you have to deal with it. In saying that I think I am stronger despite what has happened. I may have lost, but I have gained so much and hopefully a better person for those losses, but that is for others to judge.
5, Your Awareness of the Divine: The Heirophant, knowledge and education, conforming, holding back respect. I don't know if there is a supreme being. I am agnostic. In the end we will all find out one way or another what is beyond.
6. Self Knowledge: Strength, courage compassion , strength, responsibility, self awareness.
The Strength card represents feminine strength. In some decks it shows a woman holding open a lion's mouth. Getting in touch literally with my feminine aspect has really helped me. Losing my wife and MS have been the two main things I have had to deal with. Those two things really taught me a lot. I have a lot to learn yet and will to the day my time is up. What will happen in the future? Who knows? The tarot can't tell me that.
7. Self Control: Ten of Cups, rewards, joy,peace, harmony, safe haven. I do feel good about myself. Actually I feel very lucky. I think when it comes to self control I feel I have done ok so far and I have had some fantastic experiences as a result. The Village in Manchester I guess is my safe haven which I am so glad I went to.
8. Self Mastery: Five of Pentacles, Anxiety, generous, kind, consideration.
I have my worries, about different things, but hopefully I've learned to control them.
9. Compassion: The Devil, negative force, tester, materialism, living a lie,temptation. When it comes to compassion maybe I am found wanting. It is to easy to get wrapped up in myself and not see when others are suffering. I try not to do the woe is me bit which is really negative.
10. Empathy: The Chariot, diligence, willpower, honesty, perseverance. In some decks it has 2 horses pulling in different directions. As I said before I won't transition because of what it might entail for me. I have agonised, researched it, seen what others have gone through and there are others who would but won't for a variety of valid reasons. I think I do empathise, but it does feel like it's pulling me apart at times.
11. Love for All Creation: Judgement, liberation, judgement, inner calling, transformation. This card throws up the question 'What actions have I taken that affects the well being of others and myself.
I hate seeing pain and suffering. The human race could make this world far better than it is. I have met some wonderful amazing people in my time, I am happy to be alive and feel very lucky.
So there it is. Nothing supernautral just a way to look at myself and drag up questions about myself and try to honestly answer them. Sorry about my feet and the mess I made of my toe nails.
Karen x
