I had a great couple of days out in Newcastle which gave me a real confidence boost.
I met up with the girls in Twist. I was first there as I'm always chopping at the bit to get out if I haven't been out in a while. It had been nearly a month which is quite short since last time.
Bea, Karen Dawn, Karen Mayo, Claire and a lady friend of Bea's turned up. Altogether there were 3 of us called Karen which got a bit confusing, hence the 3Ks in the title.
We moved on to an Indian restaurant where we met up with Christine and Gemma. I only knew Bea, Gemma and Karen Dawn so it was great to meet the other girls. I had a good chat with Claire and Christine. Claire was struggling a bit as she had had a long drive and was feeling very tired.
We had a really nice meal and then moved on to The Yard A T friendly gay bar. Christine, Claire, and Bea's friend decided to call it a night. At the Yard I got talking to a few other girls and a genetic girl who gave me all sorts of compliments about my make up, hair (wig) and how I was dressed which was really nice. I also got similar comments from a couple of gay guys in their twenties. Who were talking to Bea and Karen Dawn. It was refreshing that the conversation with them didn't revolve around sex.
I had a nice chat with Karen Mayo who is having her surgery early next year. I think Bea and myself were the only ones not transitioning. Karen seemed to be quite worried about me and thought I had fallen over somewhere when I disappeared for awhile. I was just in the queue for the toliet. A real disadvantage for women if you are desperate.
The night came to an end. Gemma offered to give me a lift, but the hotel was quite near so I said I would be ok.
The hotel was opposite the train station and on the way back it was quite busy. Nobody paid any attention to me which was great it can be quite wild round there.
Saturday morning I went out about 10am. Now I was a bit nervous about going out in the city centre. It felt like a totally different proposition to Manchester which probably see's more transgender people. My fears were unfounded. I got a couple of looks from some people, but that is to be expected I guess, but nothing bad. A lot of teenagers were out in the city centre, but none gave me any hassle. All the shop assistants I spoke to were really nice and very helpful. I didn't actually buy much, the queues were quite long, but I did get a really nice top that I am really pleased with.
I had said to Bea I would text her in the morning and we could meet up. Now it gets a bit complicated. I had been in touch with Andrea via the Angels Forum a friend of Bea's who lives in Durham. I said I could get the train out and meet up with her and Mrs Andrea. Now I had never met them because they both couldn't make it out the couple of times I had been in Newcastle before. Now to cut a long story short after a few texts, Bea turned up I think with a hangover.
We went for a coffee and I told her Andrea had been in touch so Bea decided we could drive through to Durham.
This was a real first for me I had never been to Durham at all and I would like to get a better a look around sometime as we didn't have much time. It was great to finally meet Andrea and Mrs Andrea. Andrea is out virtually out full time similar to Bea in some respects. I know she has had some problems, but is overcoming them and I wish them both all the best.
The evening came to an end and after dropping off the 2 Andreas, Bea ran me back to my hotel.
I got an early night after all the nerves I did feel drained and very tired.
I had really enjoyed myself and got a massive confidence boost.
I feel more at ease with myself and presenting as female just feels so right for me. I know I will never completely escape the closet, but I am finding a balance with more freedom.
That for me is all I really want after everything that has happened this year. The friends I have made, some I've met, some I haven't, have been an immense help for which I can never thank them enough.
Karen xxx
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Saturday, 10 October 2009
The Unknown
Looking forward to another trip out, this time in Newcastle again. I am also hoping to take a trip to a place I've only ever seen from the train, but always wanted to have a look around. This will mean a short train journey from Newcastle. I'll either do that or go shopping in Newcastle which is another unknown for me. I think the yoga breathing exercises will come in handy to keep me calm. I've always had this thing about exploring new places and now it's a bit scary, but I can't help myself. I guess in some ways I am testing myself to see how I cope.
The last couple of times out taught me a lot and I know I'll be ok. I'll be out in daylight and nasty comments don't worry me, so as long as I am sensible I know I will be ok.
I really know what it's like to live with the unknown so taking a calculated trip into it shouldn't be that hard.
The last couple of times out taught me a lot and I know I'll be ok. I'll be out in daylight and nasty comments don't worry me, so as long as I am sensible I know I will be ok.
I really know what it's like to live with the unknown so taking a calculated trip into it shouldn't be that hard.
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
Time Passes So Quickly
I spent a wonderful 5 days in Manchester and Blackpool virtually out full time. It's amazing how quickly the time passed. Unfortunately last time I did something similar awhile back my eye went haywire when I got home.
On the Wednesday when the train pulled into Manchester an overwhelming feeling of joy engulfed me. It felt like I was home. I get to be really me. Now Manchester wouldn't be described as beautiful city by many, but it is to me. I've heard some TG people say that staying in the Village is just swapping one closet for another,but really who cares. It's not a competition to see how far you can open the door. It's about living and enjoying life.
I got my room and then quickly went to the chemist to get some make up remover and assorted other bits and clear nail varnish. I've never worn nail varnish, but decided to give it a go. I must admit my nails do look better even with the clear.
That evening I met up with Kate and Diana, for a meal in Eden. It was great to see them both and catch up. In Naps there was a young gay lad bouncing around like a loon and was trying to look up my skirt so Diana told me when he was rolling about the dance floor. On the Friday when I went to the New Union where Diana was staying. While I was waiting for her in the bar 2 young lads who said they were free lance journalists asked me if they could interview me about the gay scene in Manchester. I told them that I am not gay, but they said they would still like my views. I've heard some lines in my time, but I said ok. They were polite and not being annoying. They did ask how I would describe my sexuality. I told them I am hetro, but haven't had sex in years and it does not bother me so I'm probably asexual. They seemed to be surprised and intrigued by this. I told them me presenting as female does not have anything to do with sex. If the right woman came along fine.but I am not looking. I'm happy with who I am and I really don't want the trauma of coming out to a partner again. Diana turned up and recognised one of them. He was the lad who was rolling about the dance floor on Wednesday. Give him his due he was embarrassed and apologised. We both were asked some more questions. I always wonder why people have to equate being TG with sexuality. For me it's about my identity and I love being out just doing normal day to day things like shopping, going for a coffee, even just going for a walk when presenting as female. It's not overwhelming where I feel the need to transition. There was a time I felt I may be on that journey and it was a hellish confusing time for me. I don't know if there is a tipping point you reach, but if there is I didn't. I really don't know what people go through to get to where they have no choice but to transition. I have the greatest respect for them, because it is a tough journey to take, probably one of the toughest to take in this life. One of these days perhaps the society we live in will one day recognise that and stop the crap.
I guess I've got a bit of track.
On Thursday I was by myself so I went into the city centre to do some shopping. I bought a few tops, cardigans and a pair of ankle boots and a couple of pieces of jewellery. I had no problems. All the shop assistants were fantastic. I was probably wandering round with a big smile on my face. If you look happy I think people respond to that. That night I went to Taurus for a meal. I must say the staff in Taurus are great. I always enjoy eating there. A couple of drinks in View and I decided to have an early night, Back in my room I checked my email and stuck a DVD on,
Tomorrow I was meeting Kate and going to the Trafford Centre. I went to bed feeling like a very happy girl. Every time I'm out I never want it to end. It's like living in a beautiful dream, I know that's the best it will be, but a least I can live that dream for a short time. In that respect I feel like the luckiest person in the world.
Friday morning I had to get the train to where I was meeting Kate. I had suggested this to save her driving into the city centre to pick me up as we were going out to the Trafford Centre. It turned out I had to change trains at Oxford Road. I could have walked to Oxford Road but couldn't remember how to get there. The first train was absolutely packed. The second was the completely the opposite. I got to where I was going and met Kate. We went to her house first for a coffee and to see Mrs Kate who was feeling under a bit under the weather. It was good to see Mrs Kate wasn't to bad she said she would be out with Kate on Saturday. The 2 Kates are a lovely couple and it was an honour to see their beautiful home.
We went off to the Trafford Centre for a great afternoon shopping and lunch. It was great being able to have a chat with Kate without the loud music you get in the bars at night in the Village. I love getting out with my friends during the day and just doing everyday stuff. Afterwards Kate ran me back to the Village.
That night I met up with Diana during the infamous interview. We went for a meal in Taurus and Kate turned up as we finished. Unfortunately there was a bit of a mix up, but Kate got something to eat and then we went to the New Union to find Emma and Mrs Emma. We didn't find them, but after a couple of texts we went over to Eden to see them. It was great to see them both and after a couple of drinks we all decided to go over to Manto a bar we had never been it before. Now leaving Eden I had a quite unsavory moment. I was last out and it was quite busy and we had to pass this bloke who was very drunk. 2 women were telling him to let us pass. As I was passing he grabbed me and put his arm round my shoulders. I told him to get of me and he just squeezed tighter. The 2 women told him to let me be. He thought this was funny.
I am not violent, but I told him in no uncertain terms that if he did not get his hands of me I would flatten him. He released me and gave me the stare, but thought better of doing anything as others were watching him now. There are lots of blokes about in this country who have to act like complete idiots and try to make other peoples lives a misery for their own amusement. To me the drunken antics of some people up and down the UK is a sad reflection of this country. I have no problem with people drinking, just the moronic behavior.
The next night, Saturday, we all met up in Velvet joined by Mrs Kate, Mandy and Tina. It was great to see them again. Before that Diana and myself did some more shopping in the afternoon we had to get back early as we were all meeting up about 6pm for a meal and then try a few places the others hadn't been in the Village. There was 8 of us in Velvet and we had a good meal, chat and a few laughs. We ended up going to few places later on, Churchhills, Spirit, New York New York and finally Naps New York New York was boiling. The heat got to be to much. I remember Mandy was suffering and I ended outside with her. I think I called it a night at about 3am. Later that morning Di and myself would take a trip up to Blackpool.
Di and myself got the train a Piccadilly. It took just over an hour to Blackpool it was a beautiful day actually very warm. We walked all the way to the South Pier and back again from the North Pier so we probably did a few miles. In a cafe Di left her jacket and I forgot to pay. The assistant came out after us and I was mortified. She was fine, but I felt really bad. We had a wander on to the South Pier but didn't stay long as it was really busy. We went to the Flying Handbag a T friendly bar and then a nearby Indian Restaurant. After the meal we went back to the Flying Handbag for a couple more drinks and met Karen another tgirl up from North Wales I think.
It came time for us to get the train back to Manchester. We got back about 10pm. We went for a couple of drinks in Taurus and then all to soon we parted company. My time out as Karen was effectively over.
I know a lot of what I have written is probably very boring, but for me being able to present as female makes me feel so alive. I can leave my male side behind for awhile. I am always very sad when my times out end and I know I will get down , but there is always next time.
To my friends, Kate, Mrs Kate, Diana, Emma. Mrs Emma, Mandy and Tina, if you read this and get this far, thank you for a fantastic 5 days.
Love
Karen xxx
On the Wednesday when the train pulled into Manchester an overwhelming feeling of joy engulfed me. It felt like I was home. I get to be really me. Now Manchester wouldn't be described as beautiful city by many, but it is to me. I've heard some TG people say that staying in the Village is just swapping one closet for another,but really who cares. It's not a competition to see how far you can open the door. It's about living and enjoying life.
I got my room and then quickly went to the chemist to get some make up remover and assorted other bits and clear nail varnish. I've never worn nail varnish, but decided to give it a go. I must admit my nails do look better even with the clear.
That evening I met up with Kate and Diana, for a meal in Eden. It was great to see them both and catch up. In Naps there was a young gay lad bouncing around like a loon and was trying to look up my skirt so Diana told me when he was rolling about the dance floor. On the Friday when I went to the New Union where Diana was staying. While I was waiting for her in the bar 2 young lads who said they were free lance journalists asked me if they could interview me about the gay scene in Manchester. I told them that I am not gay, but they said they would still like my views. I've heard some lines in my time, but I said ok. They were polite and not being annoying. They did ask how I would describe my sexuality. I told them I am hetro, but haven't had sex in years and it does not bother me so I'm probably asexual. They seemed to be surprised and intrigued by this. I told them me presenting as female does not have anything to do with sex. If the right woman came along fine.but I am not looking. I'm happy with who I am and I really don't want the trauma of coming out to a partner again. Diana turned up and recognised one of them. He was the lad who was rolling about the dance floor on Wednesday. Give him his due he was embarrassed and apologised. We both were asked some more questions. I always wonder why people have to equate being TG with sexuality. For me it's about my identity and I love being out just doing normal day to day things like shopping, going for a coffee, even just going for a walk when presenting as female. It's not overwhelming where I feel the need to transition. There was a time I felt I may be on that journey and it was a hellish confusing time for me. I don't know if there is a tipping point you reach, but if there is I didn't. I really don't know what people go through to get to where they have no choice but to transition. I have the greatest respect for them, because it is a tough journey to take, probably one of the toughest to take in this life. One of these days perhaps the society we live in will one day recognise that and stop the crap.
I guess I've got a bit of track.
On Thursday I was by myself so I went into the city centre to do some shopping. I bought a few tops, cardigans and a pair of ankle boots and a couple of pieces of jewellery. I had no problems. All the shop assistants were fantastic. I was probably wandering round with a big smile on my face. If you look happy I think people respond to that. That night I went to Taurus for a meal. I must say the staff in Taurus are great. I always enjoy eating there. A couple of drinks in View and I decided to have an early night, Back in my room I checked my email and stuck a DVD on,
Tomorrow I was meeting Kate and going to the Trafford Centre. I went to bed feeling like a very happy girl. Every time I'm out I never want it to end. It's like living in a beautiful dream, I know that's the best it will be, but a least I can live that dream for a short time. In that respect I feel like the luckiest person in the world.
Friday morning I had to get the train to where I was meeting Kate. I had suggested this to save her driving into the city centre to pick me up as we were going out to the Trafford Centre. It turned out I had to change trains at Oxford Road. I could have walked to Oxford Road but couldn't remember how to get there. The first train was absolutely packed. The second was the completely the opposite. I got to where I was going and met Kate. We went to her house first for a coffee and to see Mrs Kate who was feeling under a bit under the weather. It was good to see Mrs Kate wasn't to bad she said she would be out with Kate on Saturday. The 2 Kates are a lovely couple and it was an honour to see their beautiful home.
We went off to the Trafford Centre for a great afternoon shopping and lunch. It was great being able to have a chat with Kate without the loud music you get in the bars at night in the Village. I love getting out with my friends during the day and just doing everyday stuff. Afterwards Kate ran me back to the Village.
That night I met up with Diana during the infamous interview. We went for a meal in Taurus and Kate turned up as we finished. Unfortunately there was a bit of a mix up, but Kate got something to eat and then we went to the New Union to find Emma and Mrs Emma. We didn't find them, but after a couple of texts we went over to Eden to see them. It was great to see them both and after a couple of drinks we all decided to go over to Manto a bar we had never been it before. Now leaving Eden I had a quite unsavory moment. I was last out and it was quite busy and we had to pass this bloke who was very drunk. 2 women were telling him to let us pass. As I was passing he grabbed me and put his arm round my shoulders. I told him to get of me and he just squeezed tighter. The 2 women told him to let me be. He thought this was funny.
I am not violent, but I told him in no uncertain terms that if he did not get his hands of me I would flatten him. He released me and gave me the stare, but thought better of doing anything as others were watching him now. There are lots of blokes about in this country who have to act like complete idiots and try to make other peoples lives a misery for their own amusement. To me the drunken antics of some people up and down the UK is a sad reflection of this country. I have no problem with people drinking, just the moronic behavior.
The next night, Saturday, we all met up in Velvet joined by Mrs Kate, Mandy and Tina. It was great to see them again. Before that Diana and myself did some more shopping in the afternoon we had to get back early as we were all meeting up about 6pm for a meal and then try a few places the others hadn't been in the Village. There was 8 of us in Velvet and we had a good meal, chat and a few laughs. We ended up going to few places later on, Churchhills, Spirit, New York New York and finally Naps New York New York was boiling. The heat got to be to much. I remember Mandy was suffering and I ended outside with her. I think I called it a night at about 3am. Later that morning Di and myself would take a trip up to Blackpool.
Di and myself got the train a Piccadilly. It took just over an hour to Blackpool it was a beautiful day actually very warm. We walked all the way to the South Pier and back again from the North Pier so we probably did a few miles. In a cafe Di left her jacket and I forgot to pay. The assistant came out after us and I was mortified. She was fine, but I felt really bad. We had a wander on to the South Pier but didn't stay long as it was really busy. We went to the Flying Handbag a T friendly bar and then a nearby Indian Restaurant. After the meal we went back to the Flying Handbag for a couple more drinks and met Karen another tgirl up from North Wales I think.
It came time for us to get the train back to Manchester. We got back about 10pm. We went for a couple of drinks in Taurus and then all to soon we parted company. My time out as Karen was effectively over.
I know a lot of what I have written is probably very boring, but for me being able to present as female makes me feel so alive. I can leave my male side behind for awhile. I am always very sad when my times out end and I know I will get down , but there is always next time.
To my friends, Kate, Mrs Kate, Diana, Emma. Mrs Emma, Mandy and Tina, if you read this and get this far, thank you for a fantastic 5 days.
Love
Karen xxx
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